Insecurity, you have to admit the word really does not even sound good. Insecurity also plagues many of us weather we want admit it or not. One of the main problems with insecurity is that it will continue to affect your life until you are ready to deal with and make the change from insecurity to security.
In Beth Moore’s book “So Long Insecurity” I find it very interesting that the title of the first chapter is “Mad Enough to Change”. In truth that is the truth until we get mad enough not to allow insecurity to run our life and change we will stay the same. Now I have dealt with insecurity for a good portion of my life and over the years have dealt with pushed it down and then allowed it back in however, today I am ready to get rid of it for good, not just layers but for good.
For many women we try to find security in men. The problem is that our security in ourselves and in our womanhood cannot come from men. I love how Beth says it “Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men.” Men and women are different and handle their insecurities in different fashions, let’s face it women are typically more emotional than men. For many years I tried to find my security in men. My parents divorced when I was eight and to be honest for many years I lived in fear of my Dad mainly because during my parents’ marriage there were a lot of arguments. In fact, from an early age I learned to walk on egg shells. So, when I grew up and started dating I tried to find the security that I did not necessarily get in my childhood in the different relationships, which was a huge mistake. Ultimately this did nothing but cause my insecurity to be worse.
Now, please understand it is not just men that women try to find security in we also try to find it in those around us, like friendship. Friendships would be another area that I have tried to find security in. For me trying to find security in friends is setting that person and our self up for a fall, which can hurt or even ruin a friendship. I have some that have had to be restored and some that still lay in ruin. Insecurity hurts, it can hurt you and it can hurt others.
Now, I am going to write something that you will see written in this series many times. Our security needs to be grounded in Christ. If we are secure in Christ the rest will fall into place.
So, my question to you is this; are you ready to walk away and leave behind the stronghold of insecurity? Are you tired of it running your life? Understand these questions cannot be answered by anyone else other than you.
Last week my son and I decided that Saturday we would tackle his room, cleaning it, and go through everything. We started going through clothes in his dresser then moved to his closest. In his closet we found and went through his memory boxes. It was so amazing to see his face and remember all the items in the boxes. You see my son turns 17 next week, so it was a wonderful walk down his memories.
I then found another box in his closet that I did not remember what was in the box. When I opened it I found 2 dolls that my mom had given me when I was younger, I also found several of my old baby dresses from when I was a baby. Then I found my Honey Bunny. This was a stuffed bunny that was given to me when I was around 9. When I first saw my bunny I said “hello old friend” because that is just what that bunny was, he was my security during a tough time in my life. As I sat there with the bunny, I remembered when I was given honey bunny.
Honey Bunny was given to me by one of the first men my mother dated after my parents divorced. His name was Duncan. He was so nice and knew that I was having a difficult time with the divorce, going to a new school. Right after school was out I was going to Girl Scout camp and at that time was really shy. He went with my mom to take me. I remember him giving me honey bunny and telling me that the bunny would be there for me. I know that sounds silly, but to a 9 year old dealing with some security issues and whose parents were now divorced it meant the world.
Honey Bunny has been with me for a very long time in fact that bunny went to Girl Scout camp for several years, I developed a seizure disorder and the bunny was there when I would come out of the seizure. My mom would make sure that honey bunny was in my arms. I also had to wear a back brace in middle school and the bunny was there as I cried when people would make fun of me. Then bunny also went to college. When I was pregnant I also used the bunny as my focal point when I was in labor. Then the bunny was the first stuffed animal that I put in my baby boys bassinet in the hospital. I wanted the bunny that had been with me to be with him. Now you can understand why I said before that honey bunny was my security.
As I sat there thinking of all these memories with my old friend. I started thinking about my spiritual life. Jesus is the true security that we need. In fact, when Jesus came into my life He became the best security that I will ever need. He is my all in all. He took an insecure young woman and changed her life. Where I was insecure Jesus gave me security. Where I felt unworthy, Jesus said that I am worthy. Jesus has taught me and is continuing to teach me and show me who I am in Christ. Honey bunny fulfilled a big need in my life during that time. True, I still have honey bunny and I still smile when I see him but Jesus has become all the security that I need.
Are you still holding on to superficial security or is Jesus your security?
In my previous blog I wrote on how God is our refuge and that in any situation we can find refuge in the shadow of His wings. In fact since God desires and wants fellowship with us He welcomes our taking refuge.
Not only can we take refuge in God, but we can also take joy in that fact God is mindful of us. He thinks about us. It is amazing to me when I think about how God is mindful of me among billions of people. Not only is He mindful of me but He also wants to know the little fact and smallest detail about me. My likes, dislikes, and the desires of my heart. In fact I am the apple of His eye. I marvel at this concept because weather I am going through a difficult situation or a joyous one God is there the whole time in truth weather I feel Him or not He is always there. God does not depend upon me, it is me that depends upon God. David new this all to well, and spoke of it in the following Psalm.
3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
4 What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
I wonder where David was when he wrote this Psalm, I can picture him sitting out under the stars, looking up marveling at the work of His creator. Thinking about how even when He was a young lad, God was thinking of a small shepherd boy that He would choose as king.
Just as God was mindful of a shepherd boy, who became king. Take a moment and think about what things God is mindful of about you.
Recently I have been doing a 30 day study of the book of Psalms, over the past few days they have been about putting our trust in God and finding refuge in Him. Then I began to ponder over the word refuge and what it means and the different types of refuge. Dictionary.com says that the refuge means shelter or protection from danger, safety.
I know as a child we look to our parents as our refuge. When I would meet someone new I would take shelter or refuge behind my mothers leg or cling to her as she held me.
I remember at my Great Grandfathers house he had these two huge (or at least to a five year old they were huge) bushes at the end of the sidewalk. The amazing thing about the bushes was that they were shaped like a cave. You could sit in the opening and if it was raining a little you would not get wet. When David was running from Saul he went to a cave to hide. He took refuge there, the cave gave him shelter, and protected him. God wants to be our Shelter, our refuge.
He wants to be the one that we run to. Several times in the bible we will find that God is our refuge. In Psalm 57:1 I love how David refers to how he will take refuge.
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.
Notice that he states that his soul trusts in the Lord and that he will take refuge in the shadow of God’s wings. To me that is just a beautiful illustration. I picture it like this, I love blankets they make me feel both warm and secure. I love to take my blanket (my favorite one of course it’s the one my Aunt made for me.) and wrap up in it. While I am wrapped up it my blanket I feel secure and know that whatever is going on in my life it will be ok. That is how God wants us to feel. The best news though is that we don’t have to be going through a difficult situation to take refuge in God. God is always our protector, He is always our shelter and we can draw near to Him.